Are we using people like Apps?


The evolution of technology certainly is a boon to the human race. Human work efficiency has reached a new height as our ‘touch screen’ devices execute more tasks in less time. But are we investing the saved time qualitatively? When a friend or a close personal contact frequently says ‘I don’t have time to catch up’, one wonders about where is the ‘saved time’ being used? Of course, each one has to decide what one should do with the saved time, but when it comes to connecting with people I am noticing a typical trend. Just like we conveniently use a digital app and close it when we are done with our objective, are we ‘using’ our friends & close personal contacts like ‘Digital Apps?’, once we are done with getting the best out of them? I wonder where is the ‘conscious effort’ of building and maintaining the relationship? Because of its inanimate nature, it doesn’t matter to digital apps to be opened and closed as per our convenience, but when we are dealing with people one must realize that they are emotional beings.

If you notice, the purest form of communication people receive on their phone or in their inboxes is on their birthday.  Generally, most of the birthday messages are goodwill messages which are sent with ‘conscious effort’ to the receiver. The warmth sent by the sender is felt by the receiver, which makes the relationship bond stronger.

On the other side, I am sure we all must have experienced this situation when we see our phone ringing with a name of a personal contact calling after a long time. We immediately predict, ‘I am sure he/she must be wanting something from me!” This you feel because, in the interim, you didn’t get a genuine ‘Hi’ or ‘How are things going with you’? or ‘Hope all is well at your end?’ kind of message, or a phone call which is a part of genuine personal relationship management exercise.  Such self-less ‘greetings’, or ‘well being based messages’ and ‘genuine care-related communication’ establishes trust in the person who is on the receiving end, giving the receiver confidence and a warm assurance conveying ‘I am there for you’. The more reciprocal and mutual the ‘conscious effort’ is the better for the relationship. Such ‘conscious efforts’ if by-passed and if one only accesses people when in need, then that person may be tagged as an ‘opportunist’.

If people are OK with being ‘used’ like just a digital app, then there is a business relationship going on ‘under the cover of ‘being friends’. But if one genuinely considers someone to be a friend or ‘special one’ then ‘conscious efforts’ to maintain the relationship to generate positive emotions is obviously fundamentally expected towards restoring the quality of the relationship.

It is obvious that, based on one’s priority & maturity one will use one’s ‘saved time’ due to technology, but if one is not consciously investing in developing and maintaining genuine relationships then one can’t expect quality people in one’s life. Even the Software of the Digital Apps that we use, needs timely upgrade and maintenance for it to function qualitatively. Same applies to quality personal relationship management!

Best wishes to manage healthy relationships!




Colorful Photographs of Life!

We all have a past and we all dream about a future. But its the Present through which one dwells in the Past and dreams about Future! Past and Future do not exist in reality, rather they are memory & imagination based. Its only the ‘Present’ that exists in real time and space. What ever we experience in the Present soon becomes a part of one’s Past (in brain’s memory) If whatever we are experiencing in the Present is because of our conscious choice and is pleasant then that results in creating a positive memory, which adds to our Past. If whatever we are experiencing in the Present is forced by someone or destiny and is aversive & distressful, then it results in creating a negative memory, which accordingly adds to our Past. As adults & mature individuals we do have control on most of our choices & surroundings (atleast thats how it should be) but if on multiple occasions, as children/teenagers if unfortunately we could not avoid experiencing negative situations and if we had felt victimized, then that may have resulted into developing a ‘Dark Past’ which may still haunt us as adults. Even as adults we may ruminate on our old/recent sad past consciously or sub-consciously, especially of how things didn’t go our way in a business deal, relationship, loss of a loved one, academic or workplace failure etc.

Can we change one’s Past? Well, what has happened so far and what is stored in one’s Past till date cannot be practically erased. But the Past that will be created from this moment onward can definately be engineered the way we want it, atleast that will be based on all that we have conscious control upon. How? Its simple. Firstly, be conscious of the fact if whatever you have decided to choose to experience in the Present moment of yours, is out of your choice, is pleasant and is of constructive value. If yes, then experience that Present moment in the best possible manner, because soon it will be becoming your Past. Similarly if you utilize your Present moment in meaningful, positive energy based bonding (meeting like minded people, sharing knowledge, partying with good friends) & activities (pursuing music, reading a good book, seeing a good movie, helping underprivileged people, etc) what will result is a generation of a ‘good memory’, which will be transferred from your brain’s ‘Present’ to ‘Past’ folder! Therefore consistently if one takes effort to create positive experiences in the Present, what will eventually result is the building up of a ‘Bright Past’. Thus, chances are that the freshly developed ‘Bright Past’ will gradually consume/or fade off the ‘Dark Past’, ofcourse if one decides to sincerely & intelligently make the best of one’s Present moments. As adults, its up to us to either ‘click’ life’s best colors from around by living in the Present moment or decide to depressingly sit on a rocking chair and plug into the ‘black & white’ and mostly ‘grey’ Past memories. At the most (as adults) we can learn from the ‘Dark Past’ & move on with life, thus not creating the same mistakes of one’s Past in one’s Present & Future.

An analogy perhaps can explain the concept clearly. When we click photographs, we set our focus on our subject that we want to capture. We choose the best angle and make sure that we get a good photograph which we save for posterity purpose.


Later, in moments of solitude,  when we swipe through the saved photographs, we tend to smile or giggle by bringing back the ‘Past’ memory of the clicked photograph. Similarly make the best of ‘Today’ for creating good memories for your upcoming Past, so that when in Future you ‘swipe’ through your Past memories, you have enough reason to smile and giggle. Clicking ‘Colorful photographs of Life’ in the Present moment or helplessly ruminating on the Dark Past is a matter of personal choice.

Best wishes to ‘click’ the colors of Life!

Shraddha C. Sankulkar


Mind Matterz ( A Psychological Guidance Unit)

School of Emotional Intelligence


Fresh Beginnings.

Placeholder ImageA fresh new year has arrived! Its like you get up after a deep night sleep and see the sun rise through your window. Irrespective of how the day was yesterday, every fresh day brings in hope, ofcourse if one is positive. I believe, just at blood is to the body, similarly hope is to the mind. The moment one looses hope and starts irrationally doubting oneself or circumstances, he/she starts spiraling down into negativity. If not controlled timely one may gradually head into depression. So have hope and from the lessons learnt from the past step ahead into the future positively.

Best wishes,

Mind Matterz & School of Emotional Intelligence wishes everyone a very Happy New Year!